If you look through
the archives of my blog you will find that every year there is one with
"DHMH" in the title. As you
may well be aware, this stands for Dan Hoffman
Memorial Hike which is not in memory of Dan Hoffman and not necessarily
a hike and some would argue not even annual.
None the less, in the name of bold and logic-defying tradition, here is
the annual story of Dan Hoffman's hike.
Throughout history
pioneers have dreamt of the frigid north.
Void of people but full of harsh and unsuitable conditions, it appeals
to masochistic individualists confident in their own ability to derive pleasure
from intrinsically miserable situations.
What modern Shackleton hasn't sat on a sofa on a sunny summer day and
daydreamed of lashing wind, boggy mosquito-infested wetlands, and shivering
nights full of howling wolves and questionable emanations? And so it was with great expectations that
six adventurers reunited in a muddy parking lot, hugging and waving ferry
tickets in their hands to a remote island off the coast of a state nobody in
their right mind should ever venture to - Michigan.
Three hours later
the men found themselves huddled in a little circle with a few other passengers
on a dock strewn with backpacks, fishing poles, and stores of Cliff Bars. The park ranger informed everyone that they
would need to apply for back-country camping permits based on their itinerary
and saying "believe it or not" some people actually arrived on the
island without knowing their own itinerary.
I wondered what kind of morons would do that.
An hour later with
permits in hand we loaded up our packs and headed in the direction of the
largest island in the largest lake on the largest island in the largest lake on
the largest island in the largest lake in the world. The conversations already beginning to reduce
down to the consumption, digestion, and expulsion of food and deep
philosophical discussions about the plural form of the word Moose.
Isle Royale is
situated about 56 miles from the upper peninsula of Michigan and only 16 miles
from the Canadian mainland. Being so
isolated despite having 206 square miles
of land area, the island is home to all sorts of curious and distinctive
inhabitants including it's own species of squirrel, bald eagles, horseshoe
hares, wolves, and over 1600 mooseses.
It has no permanent human residents and is the least visited national
park in the States (except some years when it is beaten by one in Alaska that
is only accessible by plane).
After 9.7 years of
unintended consequences, blind chance taking, and easily avoidable injuries it
seemed that the DHMH might actually be getting some things right this
year. I supply the following evidence:
- Though just warm enough for humans, in May the island was still too cold for mosquitos
- A new member by the name of William Eavenson was added (a strong J)
- The group collectively brought 36 wheels of Babybell cheese
- 4 fish were caught, 1 birthday remembered, 45 miles of trail conquered, and in all probability three peaks summited - the highest of which was Mt Obijway at just over 1200 ft
- Not a single person died or got seriously injured
- The scenery both day and night was shockingly beautiful and rugged
I will wrap us this year's exciting recapitulation with a quote from the famous Himalayan mountaineer Frank Smythe, known for his philosophical musings on human purpose and being the first human above 25,000 feet. "Estimate for as much sugar as you think you will need, then double that estimate, and you may with luck have enough. It is safer to treble the original estimate." The 9.7th annual Dan Hoffman Memorial Hike. Another epic success.
