The Craziest Experience of My Life

I never thought I would be the one writing about a supernatural experience like some weirdo from an "aliens are real" show, but here goes.

So before I really get into this story I think it's important to share a little bit of my past to those who don't know me.  I grew up in average midwest conservative churches, the kind that disdainfully refer to anyone who claims any kind of supernatural experience as a "holy roller".  I went to college for engineering but found myself enjoying philosophy and math classes most because I was good at anything involving logic and theory.  I worked in aerospace for almost four years but quit two years ago in order to travel and do full time missions because I found it more fulfilling.  Anyway, I have never before claimed to have heard the voice of God but I have had increasing faith and even though I have always had doubts I can honestly say I have always looked back and saw that following God in my decisions had definitely always worked out in my best interest.

One week ago today I was lying on my bed in a slum hotel in Kolkata India with a raging fever.  It was the middle of my 5th day of fasting, by far the longest I had ever gone in my life without food.  Lately I had been focusing hard on what Jesus calls the greatest commandment "Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind" in a very practical way by praying and fasting.  The main focus of my prayers was to be closer to God but that evening I had also prayed for a revelation.  It would take a long time to explain everything about what led up to these prayers and why I had a fever so I'll just go back to me lying on the bed.  Suddenly I slipped into a kind of dream but I was still conscious.  God started speaking to me in the 'dream' but as He did I would open my eyes, prop myself up on my pillow, and write everything down in my journal.  It felt so crazy.  I don't think I was literally in Heaven (I haven't ruled that out either though) but I felt the presence of God just as strongly as I think it would be in Heaven.  I actually have felt the presence of God before, in fact quite often during worship services, but it was always just a temporary feeling, all of which felt like minuscule brushes with God compared to this.  It's really hard to try to put into words.  Have you ever thought about what it would feel like if you died right now, met Jesus face-to-face and immediately found out that Heaven is real, Jesus is real, and Christianity actually had it right?  You would feel an overwhelming sense of joy that for some reason you were chosen and now you had eternal awesomeness to look forward to.  That is how I felt in that moment.  Near the end of it in my head I said to myself, "All this time I wasn't crazy, God is real and He was guiding me and now that I'm here with Him it all makes sense."  Anyway, I'm having a really hard time putting it into words but it was a real encounter with God, the kind you read about in the Old Testament, the kind that turns people's lives around 180 degrees.

I guess you could explain it away in a lot of ways, after all my fever was very high and I was pretty delusional after fasting for 5 days, but I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that God took me into his presence and spoke to me.  As proof, in my journal is a list of 8 revelations from God, written down as they were given to me.  Some are very personal and some of them are embarrassing so I won't share them all but I will share the first one at least.  I'll have to write a separate blog about it though since this one is already too long.

Well that concludes this blog for today.  It is a mess of a story and has no plot or punchline or moral (other than maybe "seek God and you will find Him") but it happened to me and it was really weird and also life-changing so I thought I would share it as best I could.  I haven't really started to process it yet, what it means or how it's going to impact my future since i am just now getting over the sickness; maybe someday it will be a neat little condensed story that leads to something else and I'll write another blog about it then.  

Do Actions Really Speak Louder Than Words?

I don’t know about you but I’ve always been told that actions speak louder than words.  If you say, “I love you” while punching someone in the face what is going to be communicated to them?  Definitely not love.  In the Bible James asks us, “If a person is poorly clothed and hungry and you say to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and filled’ without giving them the things they need what good is that?...It is dead.”  Words don’t communicate love, action communicates love. 

This is what I believed for a long time.  In fact I believed it so strongly that I hardly spoke at all.  Why bother to talk if words are meaningless?  Most of my life-lessons taught me that words were vain and negative and led to disunity and pain anyway.  However, it is this last point that also eventually gave me a new perspective. 

Words can lead to pain.  James also says in the same letter that “the tongue is a small member yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness.”  He likens it to a rudder on a ship or a bit in a horse’s mouth, as powerful as a deadly poison.  He says, “With it we bless our Lord and Father and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth comes blessing and cursing.”  Our words are dangerous.  They have the power to bring death.  You see it as a student; kids keep telling someone they are stupid and after a while the kid believes it.  A parent tells their kid they will never amount to anything and they eventually lose hope of ever accomplishing anything.  An insult leads to a fistfight, a word of gossip leads to hurt feelings and insecurity. 

“Life and death are in the power of the tongue,” it says in Proverbs.  Most of my life I think I realized that the tongue holds the power of death, but what about life?  If words have the potential to kill shouldn’t they also have the power to resurrect?  Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead with a few words; God created the entire universe by speaking it into existence.  Every day I have the choice to use my words to bring life or to bring death.  I can build someone up, make them feel encouraged, and share God’s love and hope just by being intentional with what I say or I can tear them down and promote negativity.  

I guess the phrase “actions speak louder than words” isn’t wrong, but it does under-emphasize the power of words because words can produce actions.  Every word spoken is out there forever, creating death or creating life.  It sounds scary but it is actually good news, you don’t need to be rich to change the world or to impact someone’s life, you don’t need to be the CEO of an NGO to reverse oppression, just use your tongue.  

Roger

Roger is my age – 27.  Every time I ask him how he’s doing he smiles a giant, perfect white smile and says “Very strong!  I am young, I will recover fast!”  He is one of the few patients in NimralHriday (The House of the Dying) who speaks English and can communicate.  He loves having someone to talk to and will gladly share with the volunteers his story if they sit down next to his bed. 

Roger is from a town about 12 hours from Kolkata.  He grew up without a father but was able to support his mother and younger siblings by working as a coolie on the train – someone who moves goods by carrying them on their head, getting paid by the kilogram.  One day he was carrying a load of over a hundred pounds and a taxi ran into him.  His femur snapped and he crumpled on the sidewalk, the taxi disappearing as he lay on the street hemorrhaging.  He lay in that place for three days.  I don’t know what went through his head during those days on the street but I’m sure he came to a place where he thought he had met his end.  Finally a volunteer happened upon him and he was admitted to a hospital where after a lengthy wait surgery was performed and a metal bar inserted to hold his bone together.  

Typically the beds at Nirmal Hriday are reserved for much more severe cases but since Roger had nowhere to go and couldn’t travel by train with a broken leg the Sisters welcomed him in while he recovered.  He spent most of his days slowly trying to bend his injured knee and convincing everyone that he was ready to go home and start working.  After a month and a half he finally left on the same fateful train he had arrived on so much earlier, ready to reunite with his family and start work at a chai shop. 

I was obviously glad that Roger was able to recover and go home but I was sad to see a friend leave.  A lot of people come through the MC homes.  Not many of them have as successful of outcomes as Roger but all of them have touched someone’s heart.  Roger touched mine.